The Ever Elusive Mutual Attraction

Yes, I am okay with being single right now. It is the idea of being single for the rest of my life that gets to me. And when I say 'single' I don't mean unmarried. I mean never dating anyone ever. In my 21 years of life, I have only experienced a mutual attraction once. This taught me some things (Or at least reinforced these beliefs.): 1) I suck at flirting. 2) Compliments (the giving or receiving) make me very uncomfortable. 3) I suck at conversations. 4) Boys are fickle. 5) If all these things are true, how the frak am I gonna convince someone to date me?

Ever since I was a kid, I've believed that I will never get married. Not because I don't think someone can be attracted to me. I'm an awesome person. I have trust issues, and always have. My parents' marriage is a train wreck, and my family is just generally screwed up. And nothing has ever convinced me that placing my trust in someone is really worth it. Becoming emotionally attached is always a mistake. These things have always led to nothing but disappointment in my life, which is why I prefer analyzing things logically for a while before I let myself be emotional about it.

Here's another thing I learned: I can't get over these obstacles if I don't practice. I just don't have much opportunity to practice. Especially the flirting. Ugh. Just the idea of being all feminine and coy and giggly sends awful, awful chills down my spine. It's not me. And that is why I shall be single for the rest of my life. Therefore, all my friends will eventually leave me to get married. Therefore, I cannot let myself become too attached to them. (Yet I do. Knowing and doing are very different things. :P)

Yes, the AFROTC is sounding perfect. More and more appealing every time I look at it.